Tell Me, Tell Me That Your Sweet Love Hasn't Died
(Well They Are Smart Socks)


I think I ate a rotten potato. But I can't be sure. I have no symptoms, and it looked like a normal potato, but if I was a rotten potato I would disguise myself as a normal potato, too. Or maybe even as a normal human being. Ok, now I'm going to spend the night wondering who among those I know is really a rotten potato disguised as a normal human being. And I'm starting to see visions of Mr. Potato Head dancing around, wearing nothing but a smile, and really, that can't be a good sign. Can it?


In other non-potato news, I hate everyone. Especially myself, because I am dumb, dumb, dumb. I have socks that act more intelligent than I have been acting lately. If you have an antidote to stupidity, please, I'll do anything. Except apologize to Amazon.com for calling all their employees robots and threatening to find out where their robot homes are and end their robot lives. Anything else though.


Also (She says, as if this is related to anything), I'm half convinced there is a homeless mass murderer living in the empty apartment above me. It's either that or an escaped Panda from China that goes by the name "Dim Sum". And what's worse is I'm not sure which would be better. And what's worse than that is I can't stop listening to The Pet Shop Boys and their 80's hit "Always On My Mind". And what's even worse is I think I heard the homeless mass murderer/Panda named Dim Sum dancing around to it up there.


What Keeps Me Up At Night, Besides Rotten Potatoes

1. That movie Baby Boom. Maybe someday one of my estranged cousins will die and leave me her baby, and that demonic baby will get me fired from my big time corporate job and I will just say oh well, time to move to Vermont and make baby food for a living. I can only hope. Only I would probably send the baby to a sweatshop in Cambodia, so it could work alongside Minnie Driver (I meant to do this with my cats, but I forgot); I'm sure that would build character. Yep, I am all about building character in the New Year (just not so much my own).


2. Is Less really More? Is More really Less? And which one of you is responsible for Mandy Moore being allowed to do more movies? I demand answers!


3. What do pandas eat? Pandas are stronger than they look, you know. And much like me, they use their cuteness to distract you, probably while they gnaw off your left arm. "Not the left one, not again", you'll find yourself saying at the Emergency Room, "I only looked at the panda cuteness for a second, I swear." Yeah, you would be afraid if a Pet Shop Boy-loving Panda was living upstairs from you, too.


I have to go to bed in negative 3 hours if I want to get a full 6 hours of sleep. You know what that means, don't you? Me either.
I'm going to sleep, I sure hope the crucifix I hung over my bed wards off any escaped convicts and/or pandas.