Things I did not spend the day obsessing over.
Nope, not me, not at all.

1. The local adult movie (or as you may know it, PORN) rental place here is called "The Fifth Wheel". I did not spend all day wondering if there is more to the name, if it is some obscure sexual reference that I don't understand, and it most certainly was not bothering me so much that I googled it when I got home.


2. I (conveniently) forgot to mention in my previous post that when I was at the mall I checked out some girl's ass. More than once. In fact, I couldn't stop staring at it. Her pants were so tight and it was oh so round and lovely. Good thing I'm comfortable with my sexuality and none of the following thoughts occurred to me: Does this mean I'm subconsciously attracted to women? Does this mean I have some sort of ass fetish? How did she get into those pants anyway and is there such a thing as the Ass Master, like there is for thighs?


3. Did I shut the door when I left the house this morning? Not "Did I leave the oven on?. Not "Did I leave a candle burning?". Apparently the more important question is "Did I shut the door?. Luckily I've never failed to shut the door before so freaking out about this would be irrational, and what am I if not rational? I especially did not get to the point where I pictured my cats stuck out in the cold and serial killer neighbor guy strolling in and sniffing my underwear before putting them on and dancing around to ABBA in my bedroom.


4. Does peanut butter ever expire? Things that don't expire disturb me. And who names peanut butter anyway? Skippy, Jif, Peter Pan?? I am definitely a Peter Pan girl. But enough about me. I did not, I repeat, I did not ponder why peanut butter has a longer life expectancy than say, myself, and if maybe it has something to do with the name. Like maybe if my name was Skippy I would live forever. And taste of peanuts. Yeah. Didn't think about that.


5. Is the radiation that I feel leaking out of my microwave oven going to impede my giving birth to a one-headed baby one day? It's like a warm sunshiny nuclear breeze blowing when I stand within 50 feet of it, I swear. Not that I care! The more heads, the more to love is what I always say.


While I'm talking about things I didn't do today, I also didn't totally rock out to Bonjovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" in the car or tell everyone I met including the guy that pumped my gas that I was in Nam.