I Know You Want Me (To Adopt You), Don't Fight It

I want to start off by saying, because this just isn't said enough, I so wish I had thought of naming my band The Smashing Pumpkins before you know, they did. If I had a band, that is. And I really think having a band would help with my desire for a drug problem so maybe I'm on to something here. I could be the free-basing guitarist. Except I don't know how to play the guitar. So I guess that would make me the free-basing girl who's in a band but doesn't sing or play an instrument. Smells like a possibility to me.


Now for an example of why the world is going to hell. Listen closely so as not to miss anything. I was out having dinner the other night. No, that's not why the world is going to hell (well maybe it is, but that's between me and my therapist). Try to stay with me here. So I'm sitting there with my dinner companion (ok, my brother) and this little girl who is sitting at the next table starts talking to us. Her parents apparently forgot they had a child and so don't seem to care that she is telling us that her name is Madeline and she has 3 cars (one is blue, one is white, and one is silver!) and she's 7 years old and she wants some cake. Ever the conversationalist, I ask her if she went trick or treating for Halloween. Her reply? "Satan would kill me if I went trick or treating." Insert long, silent pause during which I, having been taking a drink at that exact moment, laughed, and having not yet mastered the art of laughing and drinking simultaneously, spit my drink out at my brother. She then says "And my friends. Satan would kill my friends, too. I have lots of friends". Ummmm, yeah.

Sure it's disturbing on many, many levels, but I'm so going to have to try that one out when I have kids. "Oh you want to go trick or treating little Susie?" (except I wouldn't name my kid Susie, no offense to any Susies. I'm more looking forward to giving my kids porn star names) "Well you can, but remember Satan will kill you if you do. So it's up to you, honey." I'm going to be the best parent. Ever.