I love cats. This is why I have two of them. But I have limits. I like good cats. I do NOT like Satan's Spawn Cat that lives in the wilderness in back of my house. I'm not sure if it was the time he brought a half dead, half crying bird to my doorstep, or the time he climbed up my screen and tore it to hell with his demonic claws, but somewhere along the line I just decided this cat is not good.
As if this isn't bad enough he likes to taunt my good, innocent cats with his evilness. If I forget for a minute that the Devil himself (in cat form) lurks outside my house and leave my sliding door open he will come right up to the screen and say things to my cats like "yo mamma is so stupid she thought 'Meow Mix' was a CD for Cats" and "yo mamma is so ugly her pillow cries at night". You think I'm kidding, but I heard him. Ok, it was 3 o'clock in the morning, but really he said that. I was up talking to this boy about why this other boy might be acting weird and the meaning of life and such and I heard this whispering coming from my living room. So I go to investigate.
Now this cat couldn't be any more Satanish if he was red and had horns instead of ears. Well there he is saying this stuff to my cats. My cats are so dumb though, they think he wants to befriend them. Yo mamma to the rescue.
I go over and shout "oh yeah, well yo mamma is so stupid she...she..." and then I gave up and tried squirting him with the water gun I use when my cats misbehave. Silly me though. Water doesn't deter SATAN. I should have filled that thing with ACID. Unfortunately, I don't keep acid on hand. So I settled for a pitcher of Iced Tea. And he started screaming "I'm mellllltttiiiiiingggg" and poof he was gone. Yeah, I made that part up. What really happened was a house fell on him. Or something. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go brush up on my "Yo Mamma" jokes.