Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Dear Friendly Folks who make Fruit Loops Flavored Frozen Waffles,

I recently saw a woman in the supermarket buying your product for her child. It was all I could do not to slap the box out of her hand. I understand you have a business to run and a market to corner, but some things? Just don't belong together. And this is one of them.
You want Fruit Loops flavor? Eat Fruit Loops. You want waffle flavor? Eat waffles. And never the two shall mix. Amen.

LoveYours Truly,
A Concerned Citizen


Friday, September 19, 2003

I don't ask for much. Ok, maybe I do. But still. All I want is a song, people. I want a song written for ME. Is that too much to ask for? No? I didn't think so. And yet. There is no song.
So. I've compiled a list of songs I wish were written for me. So anyone who, say, wishes to write me a song, can get the idea. Or something.

Songs that should have been written for me, but weren't:
1. Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond. (If only my parents had named me "Caroline" I could atleast pretend it was about me.) *sigh*
2. American Girl by Tom Petty. "She couldn't help thinking that there was a little more to life, somewhere else...After all it was a great big world, with lots of places to run to". Yeah, Tom is really feeling me in this song. haha.
3. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic by The Police. Some say this song is stalker-esque. I think that's what I love about it.
4. Be Mine by Rem. "I wanna be your easter bunny, I wanna be your christmas tree" ? How romantic is that? Michael Stipe, I love you. I'm not sure if you wrote the song, but I love you anyway for singing it.
5. Your Song by Elton John. I know Elton didn't specifically name this song after me, but I'm sure he just didn't want to embarrass me. Yeah, that's it.
6. I Will by The Beatles. Also somewhat stalker-esque if you think about it. So don't. It's just dreamy.
7. Green Eyes by Coldplay. "Honey you are the sea, upon which I float"? Does it get much better than this, I ask?
8. 8675309 Jenny by Tommy Tutone. Ok, this one is a wee bit different from the rest, but hey, it's my list. This song makes me wish my name was "Jenny". And a hooker with my number on the wall. Just kidding about that last part. I think.

Ok, Eight is Enough (man, that was some quality television, wasn't it? Although I'm still trying to figure out where the real mom was in all of it). Now I have given you the power of my list. Use it for good, not evil. I have to go brush my teeth now.